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List of posts by Robbie Shapiro
These are Robbie's posts on his TheSlap profile. Posts *'Robbie:' Hey, I'm finally on TheSlap.com! Write on my wall :) **'Robbie: '''Thanks everyone for NOT writing on my wall! Really makes a guy feel good about himself. *'Rex:' Ha! No one writes on your board. **'Jade:' Looks like your puppet speaks the truth! **'Robbie:' HE IS NOT A PUPPET! *'Cat:' Hi, Robbie! I was watching this show last Saturday night, this live show thingy, and I saw this guy that looked EXACTLY like you! **'Robbie:' Was his name Andy? **'Cat:' YEEAAAAHH! **'Robbie:' I DO NOT look like him! **'Beck:' Oh yeah, you do look like that guy! **'Jade:' I thought you were going to bed early on Saturday. If you ACTUALLY went to bed early, you wouldn't have seen THAT late-night show! So, what were you doing? **'Rex:' Ha! I'm lovin' this! *'Robbie:' No, I was NOT in a terrible accident. That's a harmonica around my neck. Stop laughing. *'Robbie:' Caffeine makes me vibrate. *'Robbie:' There's nothing wrong with my pants! Stop asking. *'Robbie:' Wishing they'd just make a good soy cupcake! *'Robbie:' Allergic to sun?? How is that even possible? Apparently I'm allergic to the sun! *'Robbie:' Don't drink fish water! It's very bad ... excuse me while I puke. AGAIN! *'Robbie:' Awww. Dang it. I got toothpaste in my underwear again! It stings. *'Robbie:' Headed to NY. Going to my cousin's bar mitzvah. It's gonna be OFF THE HOOK. *'Robbie: Some dude at the gym just called me "Mr Muscles". I think he was being sarcastic. **'''Rex: No, man. I'm sure they were serious. Did they also mention your awesome tan? **'Robbie: '''Changed your password, Rex. **'Rex: Changed it back, Robbie. *'Robbie: '''Just found a sunscreen at the specialty drug store that's 187 SPF. Made my day! *'Robbie: 'Do you think anyone would notice if I started using self tanning lotion? **'Rex: 'No one notices you no matter what you do. *'Robbie: 'Oh man, I have a zit and I'm all out of male makeup. *'Robbie: 'Are boxer briefs still cool? *'Robbie: 'Chillin' in HTown, tomorrow gonna visit peeps in the LBC. **'Rex: 'Y'know, talking like that does NOT make you cool. **'Cat: 'Where's HTown? *'Robbie: People can be very inconsiderate ... I'm talking about you REX!!!!! **'Jade:' He's a puppet, not a person. **'Robbie:' That's offensive!!!! *'Robbie:' I'm trying to grow my chest hair out. It's harder than you'd think. **'Rex:' I have more chest hair than you! *'Robbie:' I am itchy because I didn't shower today. *'Robbie:' Rex!!!!!!!! Stop hacking my account!! *'Robbie:' Bought two tickets to the L.A. Soy Festival but Rex doesn't want to go. Anyone wanna come with? *'Robbie:' YEAH! I got the cookie! Take that Rex! **'Tori:' ????? **'Jade:' Ya know Robbie, you don't have to type every thought that comes into your head. *'Robbie:' So, apparently caviar is really, really, REALLY, expensive. Who knew? *'Robbie: '''At a hospital. Are you allowed to take the bedpans home? *'Robbie: Accidentally erased all my contacts so I need everyone's phone number again. Text 'em to me! *'Robbie: '''Seriously guys, send me your digits. :) **'Robbie: 'C'mon guys. I can't call anybody until I get some numbers! **'Robbie: 'Anybody? *'Robbie: 'Weird Question: Does anyone know how to do CPR on a parrot? **'Beck: 'That is a weird question. **'Tori: 'Why do you want to know? **'Robbie: Ah never mind -- too late. There goes my birdsitting business. *'Robbie: '''I'm not letting Rex carve his own pumpkin this year. Not after last year's "incident." *'Robbie: This is NOT a perm.This is my natural curl. Girls love my hair. **'Rex: '''You are delusional. *'Robbie: 'Rex keeps prank calling me. It's getting annoying. **'André: 'How is that even possible. *'Robbie: 'Rex keeps kicking me in his sleep. I'm thinking about making him sleep on the dog bed. *'Robbie: 'I ACTUALLY have plans this weekend!!!! Karaoke here I came! *'Robbie: 'Rex turned back my clocks as a joke and I missed my date with the really hot girl from my Editing Class. :( *'Robbie: 'I accidentally backed into the menorah and almost caught my backpack on fire. Hanukkah is dangerous! *'Robbie: 'Monkeys are such curious beings. I wish I was a monkey. *'Robbie: 'Sometimes I feel like Rex and I share a brain. **'Cat: 'Wait, I'm confused. You don't?!? *'Robbie: 'Working out. **'Rex: 'Working out what? Math problems? *'Robbie: 'I think I'd be a really good football player ... if I wan't allergic to pigskin. **'Rex: 'Uh, Robbie. There's a lotta reasons why you can't play football. **'Robbie: 'Oh yeah? Name one. **'Rex: 'Your 'fro wouldn't fit in the helmet. You're weak and girly. You're afraid of locker rooms. **'Robbie: 'I JUST asked for ONE! *'Robbie: 'Jade said she loved my "Broken Glass" song. It's the first time she's ever complimented me! **'Jade: 'And the last. *'Robbie: 'Just rescheduled my dentist appt for February 14th. Not like I'm busy that day or anything. *'Robbie: 'I just went to buy an apple and my credit card was rejected! I know I had at least 100 bucks in there! *'Robbie: The producers said I was TOO "interesting" to be on The Wood. *'Robbie:' Happy Valentine's Day! Don't know why I'm so excited actually. Not like I'm doing anything... Again... Wow, this post got depressing quickly. *'Robbie:' Attention everyone... FREE COOKIES on my profile page! **'Cat:' Robbie, where are the cookies??? *'Robbie:' Oh, I just wanted more fans so I thought if I wrote that more people would like me. **'Beck:' And your plan B is? *'Robbie: '''I swear my neighbor's cat is evil. It keeps looking threateningly at me. I'm thinking about filing a restraining order. *'Robbie: I can't believe my left shoe AND my car were stolen in the same week. And why would someone ONLY want ONE shoe! It doesn't make sense! *'Robbie:'I forgot to bring Rex to school today! I haven't been insulted in nearly 3 hours. *'''Robbie: I just got offered the role of the "before" guy on a workout commercial. Should I be offended? *'Robbie: '''Movie night at the Vega house was SO FUN! I can't wait to do it again. **'Tori: BTW Robbie, my dad says never come to our house again. *'''Robbie: Hanging out in Tori's bushes. Absolutely nothing is happening on her date with Ryder. I'm bored. **'Sinjin:' Oh really. Which bush are you in. **'Robbie:' The potted one on the porch. **'Sinjin:' Good choice. *'Robbie:' Aww man. I forgot to shave my toes again today. *'Robbie:' I've been looking for days and I still can't find that "Pee Minder" app. I DESPERATELY NEED IT! *'Robbie: '''Note to self: Never go to the park and offer free ice cream to little kids. Their mothers get really angry and punchy. *'Robbie: Anyone knows a good recipe for a delicious chickpea salad? **'Rex: '''Okay that's it. Turn in your man card. *'Robbie: 'Rex and I would buy a bunk bed, but we can't agree on who gets the top bunk. It's a dilemma! *'Robbie: 'Even Tori's blood is pretty. **'Tori: 'Okay, that might be the creepiest thing you've ever said. *'Robbie: 'Gonna go ask Cat to the Prom. Wish me luck! **'Rex: 'This is going to be ugly. **'Jade: 'I agree with the puppet. **'Tori: 'It's not Prom! It's PROME! *'Robbie: 'Can you believe Rex thinks professional wrestling is legit? Some people just can't figure out what's real or fake. **'Jade: 'Says the high school boy with an imaginary friend. **'Rex: 'Yeah, you tell him sister! Oh... wait.... *'Robbie: I can bench press almost a FIFTH of my body weight! **'Beck:' How much do you weigh? **'Robbie:' About 140 lbs. **'Tori: '''I'm not a mathematician. But I'm not sure I'd be bragging about that.... *'Robbie:' Someone stole my bike seat. No, not my bike… my bike seat. Really, hurt to ride to school this morning. *'Robbie:' I bought a sketchbook so that I can impress my dates by drawing a picture of them. I saw that in a movie once **'Rex:' The sketch book is currently empty *'Robbie: I need more fans on my Slap page. Even Trina has more than I do. **'Rex: '''Ha! Ha! Ha! Nobody likes you! **'Rex: 'Wait a minute, how do you have more fans than me? That's just wrong! *'Robbie: 'Bought a new hat, sunglasses, and pair of jeans today! SCORE! **'Rex: 'I'm looking at them right now.They're all women's! **'Robbie: 'Stores REALLY need to start marking that on the tags!!! *'Robbie: Wow. This mustache makes me feel so manly. I just wish I could grow one in real life! **'Cat:' Wow, you really DO look more manly with a mustache. You could probably get a lot more girls if you could grow one for real. **'Robbie:' Thanks Cat. *'Robbie:' I accidentally shaved off half the mustache I was growing. It took so long to grow, I'm debating keeping the other half. *'Robbie:' Playing tic-tac-toe with Rex. Man, he never loses. *'Robbie:' How come guys don't ever have tea parties? Who's up for tea at my place tonight? **'Cat:' I am!!! **'Robbie:' Cat, it's for guys only! **'Rex:' Can someone adopt me? Before tonight? *'Robbie': I've been wearing my pants inside-out all day long! I hate getting dressed in the dark! (But if I dress with the lights on, Rex makes fun of me.) *'Robbie: '''Srry fr typng ths wy. Rx rmvd ll th vwls n my kybrd. **'Tori: What? **'Rex: '''I disabled all the vowels on his keyboard. Classic Rex. *'Robbie: 'Rex cut his toenails and left them all over my pillow. What did I ever do to him? **'Rex: I don't know, why don't you ask the Golden Girls? *'Robbie: '''I'm thinking it's not so good that the new principal only knows me as "that spazy kid." *'Robbie: Anyone want to start a new secret handshake with me? I've got some great ideas. *'Robbie: '''Left the room for 5 min and Rex ate my entire pizza! Rex, next time you're going to the bathroom with me! **'Rex: That would not be my preferred destination **'Tori: '''Rex, btw, how do you eat without a digestive system? *'Robbie: Ugh, I have a wart on the bottom of my foot and it hurts to walk. Anyone wanna carry me to class? I'm lightweight. *'Robbie: '''It's not weird that I have a life-size cut-out of Cat. I have life size cut-outs of ALL my pretty girl friends! *'Robbie: One thing me and Batman have in common: we both have sidekicks. But I bet HIS sidekick doesn't make fun of him all the time. :( *'Robbie:' Last night I got run over by a rude bicyclist while power walking in Santa Monica! Why do I even wear a reflective vest if nobody pays attention? **'Rex:' Nobody pays attention to anything you do. So, I guess what you should be asking is "Why do I do anything?" *'Robbie:' I was thrown out for taking pictures at a funeral. The guy might have died but I really liked his outfit. Is that so bad? *'Robbie:' It's amazing how many compliments I've gotten since I've started wearing a fanny pack! I should have started this years ago **'Rex:' You don't pick up on sarcasm very well, do you? *'Robbie:' I've been mashing these potatoes for like 2 hours now! And they're still lumpy! Why won't you mash you stupid spuds! *'Robbie:' Take-out ketchup packets need to be redesigned! They always squirt in the wrong direction and get all over my clothes. *'Robbie:' How come when Tori couldn't pay her bill at Maestro's, they let her sing it off, but when I can't pay mine, they make me work in the kitchen? *'Robbie:' What's grosser: Stepping on gum barefoot or using the bathroom at a gas station? *'Robbie:' Hanukkah's great cuz I get presents 5 days before the rest of you! **'Rex:' Too bad your parents never buy you anything good for Hanukkah. **'Robbie:' That's beside the point. *'Robbie:' Beck just let me hug him. What a wonderful holiday moment! **'Beck:' I told you not to put that as your status. *'Robbie:' I just read in a magazine that being a nerd is "in." About time! **'Rex:' Unfortunately, I'd say you're less a nerd and more a dweeb. *'Robbie:' Gotta drive to the O.C. to pick up my grandma from the airport! An hour drive just so she could save $20 on her flight! **'Beck:' Don't call it the O.C. **'Robbie:' But it makes me sound cool **'Beck:' No it doesn't. *'Robbie:' I tried to kill a spider in my bedroom and missed. He's probably waiting until I fall asleep to get revenge. **'Jade:' Yeah, that's what I'd be doing if I was the spider. **'Robbie:' Aaaah, you're freaking me out!!! *'Robbie:' I had a taco for the first time and loved it! Tomorrow I'm trying a burrito! It's a spicy new world of flavor! *'Robbie:' Yes, I know my left butt cheek hangs lower than the other one. Can you all please stop pointing it out? **'Jade:' What's up with lefty? *'Robbie:' Opposites attract right? So I just need to find someone completely opposite than me to date! **'Jade:' So what you're saying is… you need to find a girl who is cool, attractive, fun, athletic, and has a great personality. **'Robbie:' Basically, yes. *'Robbie:' Y'know Tori, a GOOD girlfriend would be HAPPY to pop my back pimples. **'Tori:' I am NOT your girlfriend!!! *'Robbie:' I'm going to a thing at a place with Beck! **'Beck:' You know that was just a lie so we wouldn't have to hang out with Hope, right? **'Robbie:' Oh... then i put on my fancy shoes for nothing! *'Robbie:' Going to get my chest waxed! I'll reply later with all the deets! **'Robbie:' Okay, just got back from the waxing place. Guys, DON'T GET YOUR CHEST WAXED! So. Much. Pain. **'Tori:' Why'd you get your chest waxed anyway? You have three chest hairs. **'Robbie:' Cuz I'm sick of plucking them. *'Robbie:' Rex locked me out of my bedroom. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch again. *'Robbie:' Trina just smashed my guitar to pieces. I wish someone could deliver this bad news to me thru song. :( *'Robbie:' I just threw away a pair of socks I've owned for 9 years. It was a sad moment. **'Rex:' Now, it's time to toss out your decade old underwear. **'Robbie:' Never! *'Robbie:' So… Can anyone guess what I am doing home at 10:30pm on a Friday? **'Jade:' No, and I'd rather not think about it. **'Robbie:' C'mon guess. **'Jade:' Uh, I don't know, something stupid like buffing your toe nails. **'Robbie:' ...whoa, good guess *'Robbie:' I just spent $100 on shoes for Rex. I wish he could wait to buy his clothes on sale. **'Rex:' Rex don't dress cheap. *'Robbie:' I almost got Tori to kiss me! Too bad the stupid Beverly Hills volcano had to ruin the moment! *'Robbie:' I'm so sick... snot is just pouring out. I'm gonna need a bigger box of tissues. *'Robbie:'I replaced all my chairs with exercise balls! Now I can get fit while I sit! *'Robbie:' Sikowitz just told me I need to take acting classes. But isn't that what I'm doing in his class? *'Robbie: '''Not sure what smelled worse: uncooked squid or Kwakoo's nasty feet. I know now I never want to be a massage therapist. *'Robbie: I went to the pond to feed the ducks and a big one bit me on the toosh! I'm never being nice to water fowl ever again! *'Robbie: '''Okay. So I learned today not to eat too much of that special-digestion yogurt. If you need me i'll be in the boy's room. *'Robbie: 'Just sent in my audition tape!!! Future rock stardom: Here I come! **'Rex: 'Nothing will ever not happen as much as you being a rockstar is not going to happen. *'Robbie: 'I asked Jade for a ride to school. Not sure why we're currently driving thru the desert. And why she has a shovel in the backseat. **'Tori: Get out now! Trust me! *'Robbie:' Did you know they make nail polish for boys? This changes everything! *'Robbie':All you lactose tolerant people happily drinking your milk at breakfast, you don't know how good you have it. *'Robbie: '''If there's Christmas in July, there should also be Hanukkah in June. It's only fair! *'Robbie: I have a crush on cute little redhead whose name rhmes with "splat." If only she knew. **'''Cat: Awww, I'll tell Pat *'Robbie:' Help! These mean little girls buried me up to my neck in sand at the beach. I'm having Rex send this message for me! Hurry, the tide is coming in! *'Robbie:' Shaving cream fights are all good and fun until some of the cream gets in your eyes. Not cool shaving buddies. *'Robbie:' Beck's wearing a fedora today and some girl told him he looks like Johnny Depp. So I tried it on and now Rex keeps calling me Johnny Dork. *'Robbie: '''I went to go buy some 2 pound weights to work out with and they only sell them in pink. Weird. *'Robbie:' No one wants to go to the movies with me tonight. On the plus side, I get all the popcorn to myself! *'Robbie:' I'm the only person I know who can actually tickle himself. Jealous? *'Robbie:' I hate when Rex uses my PearPad as a place to put his discarded chicken wings. *'Robbie:' Anyone want to buy a pair of pants? They say women's on the tag, but they can totally fit a dude. *'Robbie:' I can't believe walkie-talkies went out of style. They're just like phones except without a screen or number buttons!!! **'Andre: I think that's exactly why they went out of style. *'Robbie: '''Man, if I knew hamboning would make me this popular, I would have started years ago. Hail to the Hambone King! *'Robbie: I signed up for a meditation class at school. I'm so pumped! I haven't been allowed to nap in school since kindergarten! *'Robbie:' The new Pear Pad 3 has a slightly better screen! How have I lived my whole life without it? *'Robbie:' Seven girls have complimented my eyebrows today. I should pluck more often! *'Robbie:' It's almost time for Tinkle-Aid! Are you wearing your yellow ribbon? #BoysforEqualRestrooms *'Robbie:' Tinkle-Aid was a success! The new boys' bathroom is under construction! I can't wait to sit down and really appreciate it! *'Robbie:' Anybody wanna come over and watch some of my comedy camp home videos? I guarantee you'll at least mildly chuckle once! *'Robbie:' I hate that my mom's car has auto seat warmers. Nothing wakes you up in the morning like ice-cold leather on your toosh. *'Robbie:' Ah man, my mom put JAM on my toast this morning when I specifically requested JELLY! It's gonna be a bad day. :( **'Beck:'Could've been worse. Could've been marmalade **'Andre:' Or fruit preserves. That stuff is nasty. **'Jade:' I can't believe I just read a three-person conversation about various jellies. *'Robbie:' Rex bet me no one would notice I was growing a mustache and HE LOST! Now he has to buy me lunch! Booyah! **'Rex:' Some girl came up to Robbie and tried to brush some loose hair off his upper lip. She didn't know it was attached. **'Robbie:' It still counts! *'Robbie:' I'm not one to kiss and tell… but I just kissed Cat and I've gotta tell everyone!!!! *'Robbie:' Instead of giving me a gift for Hanukkah, Rex said he made a donation in my name to the United Puppet Relief Fund. Uh… thanks *'Robbie:' I can't believe I sold Rex. I'm such a terrible friend. A terrible friend with an extra $2000 in my pocket. *'Robbie:' First Cat, then Jade! My lips are getting a workout lately! *'Robbie:' I really wish I knew what that goo was that they just sprayed me with… or maybe I don't. Blech *'Robbie:' I always keep an extra large flashlight stuffed in my pants… you never know when it'll come in handy. *'Robbie:' I wish Rex would stop clipping his toenails in the bathroom sink. Someone has to clean out the drain you know! **'Rex:' As long as that someone isn't me. I'm okay with it. Category:TheSlap.com Category:Quotes